know what I mean?
2004-07-20
@ 12:38 a.m.
It's been a couple of months. I was hoping for some things to change, or rather at least for myself. Somehow, its not going the way I wanted. Some days I feel good about myself, other days I feel like ending it all, and then there are those days when I'm totally numb. I guess this is as good as it gets.
Many times I feel like the biggest, most fucked up loser in the world. On top of that, I'm a lousy friend. I do the shittiest things to the people whom I care about the most. I can't really read people, can't take hints, almost blind to everything even if they're right there in front of me.
Yep I'm having a bad day. What went wrong? Nothing. Nothing happened but I'm just having a bad day, frustrated and angry about things that I have no control over, upset of the things I have lost, and confused by the mindfucking games that I inflict on others and vice versa.
Right about now, I'm wondering what the fuck happened to me to make me feel this way. Sometimes I look at the cars driving from my flat and I have crazy thoughts of jumping over and see how badly I'd die.